Miss Independent

Let’s get cracking on this weekend of recount. Okay the past few weeks of my naturally-insanely-dramatic life has been a financial, educational, social roller-coaster than I am ever so never used to riding. I really don’t think I’m ever going to be one of those people who fling their arms up in the air, scream and ‘enjoy the ride’ (I think that’s more of a mental hindsight thing). 

Speaking of roller-coasters I just remembered back to the last time I rode one (Scooby Doo Spooky Coaster @ Movie World) and I got boob grabbed, hugged and squished by my best man Tien when he freaked out at the evilness that betrayed him. 

Any who, in the past week I have had a mentally draining Torts examination which was intensely confusing and tricky yet somewhat expected. Seriously, if you read half the scenarios in my studies and exams you will laugh you head off because I almost always do because I personally think they are ridiculous. Actually I’ll even go take a photo of one: 

 

There was also another scenario that involves people putting poo on the front of another’s doorstep but I’ll save that one for another day. The scenario in the exam was about a woman who was sick, moved her chair back to go to the toilet, hit the waiter who then dropped his hot curry bowl onto the lap/chest of a woman on the adjacent table whose name was ‘Chris’ (confused the heck out of my brain…I’ve never met a woman named Chris) and her partner (Danny) stood up and cursed at the waiter who ran back into the kitchen to get some towels and was followed by Danny (Who just wanted to get some cold water for the burns). The waiter thought Danny was chasing him to harm him so when Danny followed him into the kitchen, the waiter got a knife and stabbed him in the chest out of fear. And that my friends is a much harder scenario than ‘Kim and her cult’. I’m still not entirely sure how I went…

Here have some udon:

This is my favourite (and only) udon. I don’t like any other udon. True Story. It has nice hot udon with sweet soy sauce (underneath), a poached egg with beautifully runny egg yolk, spring onions, tanaki (not sure if I remember this name correctly but its just fried pieces of tempura batter), with tempura prawn and seafood stick. And you mix it all together and its like heaven in your mouth… Well in mine. 

I also had an essay due this week about Indigenous Australians in which was my first attempt at following the AGLC ‘Australian Guide to Legal Citation’ and it was quite fun (sarcasm). 

Sigh. It’s been raining all this week and has made me seriously consider going and buying a bloody treadmill. But yes it appears I have lost track of what I was going to talk about so GOOD RIDDANCE til next time. 

Let the study bug eat me alive until I crawl back onto this site. 

Spoke too soon. My puzzle just fucked itself up again. 

Love is the best thing we do.

It’s been a busy month trying to get used to the flow of the new. New university, new friends, new routines, new degree…just everything is new and I’ve been lucky enough to keep all the gold of friendships and experiences from the past three years to bring with me into this brave journey I have begun. 

Looking back the past three years really have highlighted my growth as a person and this is something that I feel is only going to get better as I get older – like fine wine. I feel like I’ve become more in tune and sensitive to people’s emotions and how to act professionally or hold a acceptable image in society whether it be at work, school or anywhere else I choose to embark and enjoy. I feel like the person I was leaving high school is so different than the person I am now and for reasons that sometimes I don’t even understand or know whether or not it’s good. I’ve become more realistic. I’ve become less hopeful for things that I shouldn’t be hopeful for; I’ve learnt detachment and how to make decisions with a pure shut-down of emotions when needed (And with this new course I think this side is only going to get stronger). 

My corn is no long scattered on the kitchen floor and I’ve picked up every single kernel and gotten it all together in a nice pot but they are still a mess inside that pot. I feel like soon though when all the conditions are right and my fire has started, my seeds will burst like fireworks to the music for my ears as I sit on my awesome bed couch watching movies in my theatre room with my beloved family and friends enjoying my popcorn of life. 

I’ve become more irritable (but in a good way). Things that should irritate me now do… like those dirty dishes in the kitchen sink that someone didn’t wash up after themselves. That scrunched tissue that is left on the table now drives me insane and what’s that smell? Time for a full house clean. And that kitchen bench-top needs to be clean or else I won’t be able to sleep tonight. 

I have also been having flash forwards of the future (mostly because I’ve been living alone with my brother for the past week as my parents are on a short holiday to Bali) about living. And at a point during the week I got so frustrated at everything that I realised how much I would rather live alone than with anyone else (because there is nobody to stuff up this or move that or not clean this or expect me to do everything for them). I realised how annoyed I get at every little thing and thought about all the unknown habits of other people that I would hate and go crazy at. Then I wondered how horrible I was to live with and how annoyed everyone would get at me if I told them to do this and do that (hopefully nothing unreasonable) and how I don’t like people not listening to me especially when I know they know I’m right and they don’t do it anyway because they know I can’t handle it and am going to do it anyway if they don’t. #makesense?

Then I asked myself if there was anyone that I could live with that I wouldn’t go all apeshit on and I could only think of one. But that one isn’t in my life anymore. So in a sense everything has changed but nothing has changed? It’s complicated. But I’m happy. 

So right now I’m sitting at the dining table blogging while waiting my parents arrival as I count down the hours until I also have to get up off my ass and go to work (Don’t get me wrong, I love working where I work). I have a few readings to do for tomorrow and 2 quizzes and a practical report to write up for Monday thus I won’t be back anytime soon. 

Basically, I’m very happy with my life right now. I feel like all the blank puzzle pieces have been turned around and I can finally see all the colours and shapes properly; now I just have to join them all together to form my perfect picture. 

Music Marathon

1. A song you like with a color in the title
   Dark Blue – Jacks Mannequin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5LjFkibA7w
2. A song you like with a number in the title
   Back At One – Brian McKnight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXPfovXw2tw
3. A song that reminds you of summertime
   All I Need – Guy Sebastian: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kvqEAVvc0Q
4. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about
   Don’t Forget About Us – Mariah Carey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tZkzL4j3BU
5. A song that needs to be played LOUD
   Love, Sex, Magic – Ciara ft. Justin Timberlake: WARNING MA15+ – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raB8z_tXq7A
6. A song that makes you want to dance
   Baby (You Got What It Takes) – Michael Buble & Sharon Jones: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4toIlFUcvrQ
7. A song to drive to
   Drive By – Train: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxqnFJ3lp5k
8. A song about drugs or alcohol
   Drunk – Ed Sheeran: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2fOum_KWQU
9. A song that makes you happy
   Beautiful – Mariah Carey & Miguel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USF55GUALyQ
10. A song that makes you sad
    Manhattan – Sara Bareilles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05GZ6G2FZLM …dieee
11. A song that you never get tired of
    Classic – MKTO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ba_qTPA4Ds
12. A song from your preteen years
    We Belong Together – Mariah Carey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0habxsuXW4g
    I love this song to pieces…Brings me back so much. It’s one of those “I know all the lyrics to it even though I haven’t heard it in years – come at me.” songs. And back when Wentworth Miller was making his mark ❤
13. One of your favorite 80’s songs
    Right Here Waiting – Richard Marx: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_E2EHVxNAE
14. A song that you would love played at your wedding
    I Do (Cherish you) – 98 Degrees: P.S. If you click on this link, just have it in the background and close your eyes and listen to the song (because watching the MV won’t make you have the feels or appreciate the song as much, compared to if you just hone the song into your mind) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kofixtz2Us (Then again one of the scenes is kinda hot Hot, so watch it after again)
15. A song that is a cover by another artist
    Superman – Boyce Avenue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw3tYiAFVfg
16. A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke
    A Whole New World from Aladdin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw3tYiAFVfg
17. A song from the year that you were born
    I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JWTaaS7LdU
18. A song that makes you think about life
    Shake It Out – Glee Cast Version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4MCzmUQrTk
19. A song that has many meanings to you
    Some Nights – Fun. :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQkBeOisNM0
20. A favorite song with a person’s name in the title
    Hey There Delilah – Plain White T’s: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbJtYqBYCV8
21. A song that moves you forward
    Big Girls Don’t Cry – Glee Cast Version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djM45ad4XTk  =)
22. A song that you think everybody should listen to
    Christmas Time Is Here – Josh Holiday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ-f-k7rpJ8
23. A song by a band you wish were still together
    Survivor – Destiny’s Child: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wmc8bQoL-J0
24. A song by an artist no longer living
    Try Again – Aaliyah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcIvIladNnQ
25. A song that makes you want to fall in love
    Falling For You – Colbie Caillat: Can’t find a music video so here have her live http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcBs_wdmwk0
26. A song that breaks your heart
    I Can’t Make You Love Me – Bonnie Raitt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW9Cu6GYqxo
27. A song by an artist with a voice that you love
    The Blower’s Daughter (Cover) – Taylor Henderson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGl3OvgkaoE
28. A song that you remember from your childhood
    Better Off Alone – Alice Deejay: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lgs9QUtWc3M ..one of the more stranger songs from my childhood memory lol. Or alternatively this is a slightly better choice 😉 :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llyiQ4I-mcQ
29. A song that reminds you of yourself
    Smile – Uncle Kracker: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffej15-Dgl0

Okay yeah, Choosing one wedding song is not good enough for me, here are some more (Sorry no links):

• Amazed – Lonestar
• Back At One – Brian McKnight
• Could I Have This Kiss – Enrique Inglasias & Whitney Houston
• The Way I Do – Marcos Hernandez
• You & Me – Lifehouse
• I Swear – All4One
• If I Was The One – Ruff Endz
• If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys ft Usher
• #RNBWeddingsongtrend
• Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton
• Beautiful As You – All4One
• Thank God I Found You – 98 Degrees ft. Mariah Carey
• Can I Have This Dance -HSM3
• I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing – Aerosmith
• A Thousand Years – Christina Perri/Piano Guys Version
• All I Want Is You & Night Of Me Life – Damien Leith
• What Makes You Different (Makes you Beautiful) – Backstreet Boys
• Think this is long? Mate this is 2%.

Rewind

I just recently got back from an awesome double holiday to the Gold Coast in Queensland and then Nowra/Currarong along the south coast of NSW. It was an amazing trip and the perfect escape that I’ve been needing for almost a year now (Singapore was pretty mad too though, I will be back soon 😉

Gold Coast ft. JMT – in a (coco)nut-shell.

We kicked it off with forgetting Wilson the volleyball in MK’s garage and then flowed with the strange surreal feeling that we were going somewhere far away from all our stress and troubles. That feeling never did go away…I still can’t believe it all happened. Don’t really know what to talk about #WhathappensinGoldCoaststaysinGoldCoast besides the touristy must-dos we covered: Beach, West Coasts, Movieworld, Wet n Wild World, 6am Gymming, Wineries, Revelation Red, Moscato, Beach, Salt, Tequila, Lime, Horse Riding, Kayaking, Snorkelling, Beach, Mario’s Italian, Shopping, Nike Store Raid, 6am Gymming to bring honour to us all, Tequila, Beach, walks along the beach, more food, Verve Restaurant, Alcohol, Beach (but not both together), Steak, Salmon, Tomatoes, Broccoli, Tequila, Corn, Broccolli, Moscato, Eggs, Tomatoes, Cheese, Broccoli, Potatoes, Tomatoes, No more Broccoli, Tequila….Too many tomatoes.

tl;dr? See http://youtu.be/Joxy5KA2bdA

Nowra/Currarong ft. MCCCPX –

Beach, Steak, Chips, Salad, Cider, Twister, Jungle Speed, Tequila, Vodka, Peach Schnapps, Boobies,   Sleeping on two joined queen beds + Couch, Movies, Paranormal Activity 2 #Itwasshit, chicken wings, homemade onion rings, Roast Lamb, holy shit I can’t remember what we had for dinner on the second night …how drunk was i…, Sexy beaches, Awesome rockpool, Finding crabs in rocks, Lying on the porch with blankets + alcohol, Kings cup x 3, Ace on everyone’s face, Bloody Mary, Peter with his shirt off… ;D, Sunburn.

I think it’s fair to say I’ve had more than my share of fun those two weeks worth of time with friends. Ready to start the new semester Amanda? *Walks into class* Oh gosh so many white people… #NOTUSEDTOTHIS. “Time to make friends!” she said to herself as she sat down in the corner all by herself… Jokes. I sat next to this nice girl who smiled at me and we said Hi, then the librarian told everyone to move closer to the middle and bunch up so we stood up and left and I scanned the area for double seats but there were only single ones so I had to force dog her in my rush over. I sat down she walked past me and I said “Sorry! ><” and she laughed and said it was okay. GOOD ONE MANDA. WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO WALK AROUND AND FIND A DOUBLE SEATER, SHE LOOKED FRIENDLY. SADFACE. Idiot me.

Anywho with that being said I would like to officially inform my faithful blog followers that I am no longer a vet student. I am now a law student (doing a combined degree of Science as well).

I don’t know how this works. HOW DOES ONE STUDY FOR LAW? I’m used to my health and anatomy textbooks – my drawings and sketches and ‘bam is bam because of bam and so bam does this and ta-da!’-Logic. And now it’s like ‘bam 239619 SHADES OF GREY …Who’s right, who’s wrong? NO THAT’S ILLEGAL. That’s right but you forgot matter A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I – Z, OBJECTION.. *insert formal language*, essays x 307108693….readings x 328472039417394174590945’

I FEEL LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER. Actually no fish out of water still live for a bit…I FEEL LIKE A FRESHWATER FISH IN SALTWATER. I am being saturated and suffocated slowly… How do I become…a salmon? #LivesinBothWaters

*Goes to fish market* “Teach me how to survive oh salmon” she says as she holds the delish slice of fresh salmon between her chopsticks…

I imagine I would be a pretty fun v-logger…

Maybe I should record a v-log with this entry as the script and actually go to fish market and talk to salmon pieces etc. 

Anyway, here’s to a new year, new course, new friends, old friends, new food, new body hopefully and new experiences.

Look how happy Hazel is now that I’m doing law… #sarcasm. More like ‘I’m so disappointed in you’-face. Sigh. I know baby 😦

Title: A song I heard in the car in the Gold Coast – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONoKbk_e2W8
He sounds like David Archuleta. And I also like ‘Christmas Time is Here’ by him too 🙂

I will glad-wrap you.

A very embarrassing start to the new years involving a long family tradition (that skipped a few years here and there) which is basically a gathering of my cousins and their children to my place where everyone has to line up in age and wish my parents stuff and then get blessed with some wishes themselves and red pocketted…yeah, very…official.

But I guess it’s pretty cool that we have that, gives everyone a reason to come back home even if only once a year and I really miss having ALL my cousins around because throughout the year everyone is busy and there is always someone or many missing at gatherings including myself sometimes. I can feel the torch passing gradually moving and soon we’ll be the oldest ones there with all our kids thinking and feeling the same way we do right now. 

I’m not particularly scared of my family (extended family and this one) falling apart much mostly because I’m in the “No this will not happen” mode and ready to kick anyone who steps out of line or decides they don’t want to attend that very important family event or a lesser important event like NOT family-related. Kicking is probably an understatement…a very big understatement. And yes it’s possibly that one day if everything goes sour I might be left with the painful task of trying holding everyone together when they don’t want to be and then maybe that day I’ll give up and let go of everyone and let them live their lives because they won’t listen to me…but somehow I feel that that’s not going to happen and I sure hope it doesn’t. 

Anywho I’ve had a very slow day today with work and home and just lazing about and doing online research slowly getting hyped up for the Gold Coast holiday coming up with my mates. 

Anyone have any fun suggestions for things to do or places to go in the Gold Coast? 

I dream of beautiful escapes and the scent of freedom with no plan for it.

Lately I’ve been feeling very confined. In a small space like a jail cell, the dark corners of my room or my mind. I don’t feel like myself anymore and this person that stares back at me with a smile reminds me about how I’m no longer happy within this skin and how unfortunate it is that my biology doesn’t accommodate for a reset button like the liberties of the common reptile.

I no longer feel at home in this place where so many memories have been built, shattered and burnt. Memories that will never exist for a day with the hope that they never need be created.

Thoughts become trivial as the subjects and words that flow through my mediums no longer carry any sort of significance – just one day after another.

I feel different. I feel like an old version of new. I feel like I’ve done this so many times before that I fool myself into thinking that every time it will be different. But after a while you question whether or not it is. Like a hamster in a wheel who thinks he’s going somewhere new every time until he stops and sees the familiar scratched bars and rust-stained scent of the cage his life has come to. Every time.

Oh how wonderful it would be to be someone new every few months. To shed your skin your home and start a new where nobody knows your name. To giveaway the friendly handshake to people who you’ve never seen to people who you never will again and to those who just need a hand.

Nights spent with the abundant company of beautiful faces, flashing cards and the drip of the condensation littered down the side of the icy cold glass seem alien as I stare around the room. The clink of my fork stabbing into the tough heated flesh of pork against the sides of my mother’s favourite bowl and the crinkle of the golden Ferrero wrapper. The constant vibration of the fish tank filter droning on through the room. The deafening tapping of the text messages on his phone. The recoil of the racquet strings from the battle of grunts on the television screen. The recoil on the racquet strings. The recoil on the racquet strings. Then silence.

Just the ticking of the hands of the time as seconds become minutes and minutes become hours. And I find myself alone again in silence. Loneliness’s best friend. Silence so loud that sleep cannot sooth or erase.

So without fail 3AM every night as the moon rises and the stars fall, I become the owls’ best friend.

Let’s Just Be

Payphone

So I have had quite a long week starting with V’s birthday last Thursday. It was a very fun night and I enjoyed myself thoroughly even though I was running around taking photos of people. I don’t know how I feel about such work – I think I’ll leave that stuff to the real photographers next time but being behind the lens was a good experience for me. 

 

 

 

 

All my christmas shopping is done (I think I mentioned this before?). And I started a food blog: http://www.forkednib.com

Yeah that’s it for now. 

Jobs.

Right now I’m currently in the ‘treatment room’ of my workplace where most of the animals that come through here recover overnight or during the day. I’m really tired because frankly I haven’t slept. I’ve been having so many bad dreams and nightmares lately that I think it has become a subconcious habit to not sleep just so I don’t have to go through those; justified Insomnia so to speak. I re-wated two movies ‘Stuck in Love’ and ‘Sunday’s at Tiffany’s’. I haven’t been feeling depressed and all like I usually do late at night where the world is quiet and all you can think about is all the things you stay quiet about during the day – like any problems in life or concerns in the back of your mind…they come alive at night.

I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately and I feel as though I can no longer express them or that the receiver can no longer relate to me resulting in the equivalence of me conversing with the wall…a nice pretty wall with a beautiful smile. On the other hand “Amanda maybe you just need some sleep.” and chances are you are probably right however, let’s go with the off-chance that you are not and it is indeed something else. How would you know? How do the millions of parents everyday know that their kid is just tired, or just going through a phase, or that that low grade they just got in class was a hiccup and all will be well again. How do you know?

Gosh this feels so depressing but at the same time I don’t care and so I just let myself be it. Sometimes I wish I was the extreme point of stubborn. Sometimes I wish for times where I have no emotion so then I wouldn’t have to feel anything. And so my emotions wouldn’t be my achilles heel so sometimes I wish I couldn’t care. So I could sleep.